A Fairy-tale of life…choices…and dreams

While doing the final year project, I had actually started applying for some jobs, even at that time, I still didn’t have a clear picture of what am I going to do, i.e. which direction, what area, for how long, and what would be my long-term aim? Those were some of the questions running in my head. I considered that I was one of the lucky people since I’ve gotten offers from a few companies just after my graduation in last December. In fact, it was hard for me to decide which company should I join..huh. Anyway, after giving thorough consideration on which company should I join, based on some significant and relevant factors, then I made up my mind. I had few choices, and what I had to do was to just choose ONE of them.

I was about to join one of the companies..a local and well-established consulting engineering firm, with good track records not only in Malaysia, but they have also started expanding the business in the Middle East. I’ve verbally given them my word that I’d like to be part of them, and they were very happy to welcome me too. By that time, I started to have a better picture of what jobs I was going to do, and what types of people would be around me should I join the company.

During my undergraduate study, I had the feeling and desire to become an engineer. Why? It was obvious.. I would have an engineering degree, though it is not necessary that I will end up working as an engineer. My education, my thinking, and my lifestyle that I’ve gone through before made me think that I had to gain experience in the real engineering industries. Sound that I was too fanatic with engineering world, right? Yet, I’d be very happy also if one day, I could become an academician, a university’s lecturer. And that’s maybe my final destination, who knows..

Less than a week before I had to report my duty at the company, I received a call from someone who is really familiar to me, my lecturer, who was also my FYP supervisor. A call that actually has significantly urged me to think again about my earlier decision, a call that has caused me to deviate a little bit from my original plan. Ahh…why did he call me this time..? I took a long deep breath, a sigh before answering his call.

Let me shorten the story, so eventually, because of that call, I decided to join him as a research assistant (RA), and at the same time, I registered as a postgraduate student. I started doing the research at the end of January this year, though supposedly I should start working at the company on 2nd February. Can you imagine how did I let them know that I couldn’t join them? It was so hard for me to do it..like a ruin to myself and also to my university. But, thanks to Allah, when I informed them about my decision, they accepted it without any hesitation at all. For me, they were very professionals, and that's the way how professionals should behave. I wished that what have I done, wouldn’t ruin the reputation of IIUM graduates in general. Yeah, it was true..in fact, after sometimes, they called me back, asked me to recommend someone I know to join their company. What a big trust and favor from them… Hmm..then I had someone in my mind, recommended him (not her, ok), and alhamdulillah, with his capability and qualification, he was appointed there. Congratulation! He’s still there till now, and I guess he enjoys his working environment. And me? I was still an RA, doing research in my lab until April 2007. (looks like I didn’t even shorten my story, huhu).

Well, I forgot to tell earlier that I was also suggested by some of the top and prominent people in the university to apply for Assistant Lecturer. Haha… I’ve never dreamt of getting that position. I thought that it was only for those who have super duper crazy excellent results in their undergraduate study, with some outstanding awards received during convocation, like a few of my colleagues, who are now studying in various parts of the world, i.e., Kyoto and Manchester.. hehe, you must have known those guys, right? Though I’ve never dreamt for it, but because of some effort that I’ve put forward to achieve it, and of course with the ultimate help from Him, I was called for an interview, together with the other two friends of mine. Again, to make the story short, we were accepted as academic staff in IIUM, and I officially reported my duty on 3rd May 2007 (Thursday). It was a historical and nostalgic date to me. I still remember, on the same date, but 5 years ago (3rd May 2002), when I was in matriculation centre, I had a very nice and sweet incident…one of the dates that I will always remember (guys are not that bad in remembering dates, huh)

I enjoyed my work as an RA, on a project of bioconversion of plant biomass into high-value added compound, meant for anticancer application. I was the first who has officially joined the project. Then, Shareef came. He actually has been working as RA before that too, but for another project. And what a big surprise!! Something unexpected has happened then, one of my friends who decided not to join the project, in the end, decided to join us too. We had also some other companions, mostly those who were finishing their Masters in the lab. It was a nice working and research environment. But of course, sometimes we had to work outside office hours, even at night. That’s the nature of research oriented work.

Now, I’m one of the staff at the department of Biotechnology Engineering, IIUM. No more research in the lab. As assistant lecturer (in IIUM), we normally won’t be assigned any course to teach (we’re not qualified enough actually), but people will normally ask, what course am I teaching? My HOD has already asked any staff who hasn’t earned Masters and PhD to pursue their study ASAP, and it shouldn’t be in Malaysia. So, I had to forget my original plan to do, at least my Masters in IIUM. Life is capricious, huh..that's make life becomes interesting. No problems, no fun! Yup, I won’t go against the boss's decision. I started looking for some relevant graduate programs offered by overseas universities, mainly in the USA and UK. And I realized that it was also a tough job. I’ve talked to many people with different educational backgrounds to ask for their opinions. What do you expect? Hmm…most of them suggested me to go to the US, even my dean prefers that too. Well, we’ll see in the near future, where shall I be going…haha. I know that I was not supposed to stay here for a long time.

As a young academician (is it?), in term of workload, maybe it’s not that heavy when compared with that of other lecturers. In the first two months, I had nothing to do. I came at 8.30 am (sometimes 9.30 am or 10.00 am..), and went back around 6 pm. For that reason, I would go to the lab since most of my friends were still working there. At least, we could still have lunch together. But later, I was assigned to be the coordinator of Seminar course for the department. It’s just once in a week, every Friday. Now, I’m handling 3 sections of seminar, consists of a total of 95 students. It’s a large number, right? Lucky it’s only on every Friday, otherwise I’ll be dying doing the jobs alone, i.e. inviting speakers, marking the summary forms, preparing and marking quizzes, key in students' mark into system, consultation with students (konon2)…bla-bla. Don’t be surprised, I’ve issued two warning letters to students who have failed to attend my seminar, at least to make them realize, and wake them up that they can’t just play around with me. Maybe later, I’ll issue the barring letter, the most horror letter which will actually fail the students…that’s the worse I’ll do.

Started in the beginning of August, one of my friends left. She got a permanent job in Sungai Buloh. And in beginning of September, one more left…moved to UPSI. Well, I guess that was good for them. Obviously, everyone is looking for better, secure and stable position. And just two days before Ramadhan, another good friend of mine left for her study leave, who was also an assistant lecturer here. Huh..that’s the chronology of the events. The events of leaving and being left.. This is the nature of our temporary life, people come and leave, and it’s not a matter of coming and leaving, but when we’d like to leave, leave properly, and don’t ever leave a scar on others' heart…We are not like prisoners, who can just absconds from prison when they have chances. In the end, all of us we’ll leave this transitory world, to meet our Creator, to face the endless life there. May Allah reward us with His Paradise, amin…

Whatever happened, I’m still standing here today. I’d like to prove and show to others that it was my choice to be here, not because of others. Even though some people have slightly contributed towards my decision, but it was me who decided. I could have actually decided not to be here, and no one could force me, or scold me if I didn’t make the correct choice. After all these challenging path that I’ve gone through, I should thank them all for their endless support, and I believe that they were there because Allah wants them to be there for me, to motivate me, to make myself clear with my goal, and to convince me that I’m truly capable of facing the tribulations. I remember when I was in school, a friend said, “Walk on with your hopes in your heart, and you’ll never walk alone”. I’ll continue to fight, to win the battle myself. My dean said (but I’ve slightly modified it), the journey is like you’re going through a dark and deep tunnel…but at the end of the tunnel, you’ll see a small light, that’s the sign you’re approaching your aims. But if you keep walking and running through a never ending tunnel, no light appears in the end..don’t ever give up because you can still dig up another new tunnel, and who knows, you’ll find a brighter light at the end of that new tunnel. Be creative!! Anyway, it’d be very sweet if I have someone or a group of companions to accompany me along the journey, someone who will always be with me till the end of the line.

In the end, I wish I could stand in the eyes of the world, together with all of you. Only the sky will be the limit for us!! But remember, we still need to look down, to the ground, to the history, even after we have reached the top, because that will always make us remember where did we come from, where did we start, and who were there for us whenever we need their hands and supports to guide us.. and the most vital is, we never forget that because of His ultimate Guidance and Supervision, we could have actually achieved the dreams. Whatever Allah gives us; those are the best for us. It’s not just a fairy-tale, but it’s our choices, our dreams..let’s go for it!!

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---> may all our dreams come true!